Let’s talk about overcoming fears you have around love, marriage, and family. Let’s start with a quick question:
Do you battle with uncertainty and nervousness that you’re not with the “right” partner – that you’re “settling” and there’s somebody “better” for you out there?
Do you worry that you don’t love your partner enough, that you’re not “really in love”, or that something is “missing”?
Maybe you constantly have questions like:
- Does he like me?
- Does he have a side chick?
- Is she upset with me?
- How can I keep the conversation going so he doesn’t get bored?
- Am I sure I didn’t say or do something wrong?
- Does she think I’ll make a good husband?
- What if our marriage only lasts 5 years?
There’s something about this question that makes you rethink whatever decision you have made or about to make.
These questions may seem reasonable but there’s something scary and uneasy, almost paralyzing about them that can make you sit still thinking about them.
I wrote this post for you.
Helping clients overcome their fears is one of the core things I do at Audacity2Lead. Majorly because if you have to lead your life and business in the direction that matters to you, the first place to start is to overcome the fear that wants to keep you back – stuck in the unfruitfulness of being stuck. 🙂
While developing the signature system (intellectual property) which I use for the entire Fear Resolve Process, I observed – and as you may have read in some of my posts, that fear influences 4 core areas of our lives.
The one that’s often immediately identified by people happens to be in their relationships with people, whether a significant other or their family or their friends.
An example is this story I read recently:
“I was in a very bad relationship a couple of years ago that completely ripped my heart out. The guy did some horrible things to me (cheating, lying, long-distance relationship). I was so madly in love with him that I would forgive him all the time and let him continue playing his games with me. Just a tiny bit of information on my background” 😉
“Three years ago I met my now boyfriend, who I have been living with for about 2 years. I love him so , so much but I have been scared for two years with those awful, intrusive thoughts: what if I don’t love him? what if I fall in love with someone else?”
“My love for him has never been a big explosion and butterflies and all that – in fact when I initially met him I wasn’t even that interested. Over the months I was in contact with him I began to really love him and I have now the partner that I actually want to spend the rest of my life with. He has been like a piece of heaven for me, giving me what I have always needed the most: a way to find my own peace.”
“However, during all this time I have been fighting intrusive thoughts. Just to give you an example, I am sure most of you go through similar things:
“What if I am just with him because he has been so good to me and because he is such a great guy (especially after the mental abuse and dependency I had on my ex)?
“With him I feel free and so independent, sometimes when he is not at home for a few days I genuinely enjoy myself (something I have never had before, I have always been terrified of being alone) does that mean I don’t really love him?
“My close friend broke up a few days ago with her partner of many, many years because she met another man and realised that he gives her something she didn’t have in the other relationship – What if I know that I am missing something deep down?
“Does the fact that I have been anxious for two years (on and off) show that I actually might not love him?”
“As you can see, my list is endless. And that is just the relationship part – I have irrational, horrible anxieties about so many things, regarding my job, about death, my family, my sexuality, doing something awful or illegal one day and all that type of stuff. But I can live with all those, but the one that truly gets me down is the one with my boyfriend.”
When I first read this message, I didn’t know what to say. Not because I could’t muddle up some mumbo-jumbo 35 steps, but because deep inside these statements are issues that need professional help.
And then… (in my head) My reply was, “Do you really believe I can help?”
“Yes, anything you tell me, I will do.”
“Let’s meet in Fear Resolve then.”
These kind of concerns and stories is why this edition of The Fear Resolve Process focuses on helping you overcome the nagging thoughts and anxieties you have around love, marriage and family.
February 23rd & 24th.
Ikeja, Lagos.
