It’s great to know that you and I are part of the #Audacity2Lead tweet conference – biggest & first of its kind in Nigeria.
It’s an honour and privilege to share with you on “Leading Your Emotions Romantically.”
Just like other speakers will do, I wish to first attempt a simple definition of the words “leading”, “emotions”, and “Romance.”
Leading is from leadership which John C. Maxwell says is “Influence.” To me, it’s administrating, accepting responsibility. Leading is to be in charge, in control, in influence.
Psychology tells us that the soul is divided into MIND (seat of intelligence), EMOTIONS & WILL.
Your EMOTIONS is an integral part of your soul – your being. It’s as important as your MIND & WILL.
Your EMOTIONS has to do with your feelings like love, hate, like, dislike, happy, depressed and the likes.
An unhealthy EMOTION (feeling) makes not only your soul, but also your body sick!
EMOTIONAL ill health could mask as low self-esteem, pride, headache, stomach ache, loss of memory and concentration.
You may know so much about love, sex and relationships in your MIND, but unhealthy emotions can ruin your romance or deter people from you. Logic is good but FEELINGS is important.
It’s your MIND that recalls and say, “That’s my cousin.” It’s your EMOTIONS that feels and say, “I hate her.”
Although your MIND gives you information of her being your family, your EMOTIONS stops your WILL from hugging your cousin!
I assume you understand “leading” and “emotions” to some safe extent now. However, what then is “romance”?
ROMANCE is not merely smooching, kissing, sexting, caressing, touching, hugging, stroking & sexing.
HOW THEN SHOULD YOU LEAD YOUR EMOTIONS ROMANTICALLY?
Many people enter relationships or are in one thinking they’re in charge without knowing they’re slaves to mere feelings.
You just can’t get it. You’re shocked you made a rash and wrong decision too quickly based on how you felt rather than what you wanted.You would have loved to reserve kissing for marriage, but you’re already having sex. Feelings must’ve been leading.
Healthy emotion is good when your mind is healthy and renewed. Your EMOTIONS work side by side with your mind. If you lose your mind, you can’t get your emotions.
First load your mind with the right stuff. That includes the truth which God says of you. Know the mind of God about romance.
God wants you to enjoy romance. He gave you the urges. Only that you will need to lead your EMOTIONS with a WILL and a renewed MIND. ‘Unled’ feelings could be like an unruly horse that once you subscribe to, you never can tell where it would go.
If you don’t make your decisions early (before time) your feelings would give you a roller coaster ride romantically.
Hate hate, dislike, anger, revenge, sadness, frustration, depression, pity party, sympathy and the likes.
Don’t love sad love songs, or tragedies like Romeo & Juliet, Titanic and the likes and mind your language.
Don’t let messed up people feed your mind. Love isn’t wicked. There’s true love and your partner is trust worthy.
Maybe you need to watch what you see and hear. Don’t let your entertainment become your education. Most of the things you watch and hear aren’t worth it.
The content of your MIND influences what you feel. Lead your EMOTIONS from your MIND.
Negative words can’t bring you right feelings. Positive words can’t bring you wrong feelings.
Evil thoughts and imaginations can’t bring you sweet and romantic feelings either.
Negative or sad romantic stories can’t produce sweet romance in your relationship and marriage.
One way to lead your EMOTIONS romantically is to lead what enters your MIND. As you think, so you are (Prov 23:7)
Besides, how can a guy say all he wants is your waist and you’re dancing? Then you complain that all men are the same, wanting sex. It’s so heartbreaking that we aren’t all the same!
Maybe you need to delete almost all the songs and videos in your phone, pad and laptop.
Mind what you say. It affects your emotions greatly.
You can’t say rubbish of Naija men or women and desire to enjoy a great relationship or marriage with one.
You hate Igbo girls but praying to God for a wife. What if He gives you an Igbo lady? Lead your emotions. Think right!
Until you’re whole in your soul (MIND, EMOTIONS & WILL) don’t ask her out or say yes to him!
Your constant anger and irritation is your EMOTIONS not necessarily because of his or her acts and omissions.
Nobody can make you act irrationally in anger if rage isn’t first inside of you.
Joy is contagious, spread it.
David encouraged himself… He ignored the EMOTIONS. He chose what to feel. You can choose what to feel.
Calm Down & Smile (CDS) is a good way to lead your EMOTIONS romantically.
Bible time: Songs of Solomon 2:7 & 8:4 says don’t awaken love until the time is right.
Funny: Left to some religious folks, Songs of Solomon shouldn’t be in the Bible. Don’t be holier than God.
Most people who breakup from supposedly good relationships did so because they said “their minds.” What they felt.
Most young people start wrong relationships because they just wanted to say what was on their mind. I’ve discovered that when your feelings lead you into wrong romance, it leaves you there.
God didn’t give you hormones, sexual appetite and urges to date every guy or girl. Control your tongue. Lead your emotions.
Puberty isn’t a license to sex and your 18th birthday isn’t a license to date!
Nobody will blame your rash romantic decision on your EMOTIONS, but on you! Lead that guy called feelings.
Imagine slapping a soldier in Chibok because you felt so. Then they just killed a Boko Haram member – you.
The fact that you feel something for her doesn’t mean you should tell her or act it.
Follow your heart (MIND & EMOTIONS) if you’ve first renewed it to be like Christ’s.
Fear is a negative EMOTION if not understood, may make you not ask her out or say yes to him. Understand your feelings. Fear could be a warning and it could also be a foe. When your heart (EMOTIONS) pounds, consult your MIND and SPIRIT.
Infatuation is a feeling most guys suffer from. Crush most times, crushes our sisters. Don’t forget that love (Agape) is not an emotion (feeling) but a decision. A choice.
Go back to your teen days. How many people did you feel strongly for? How many still get that your feeling.
I know she is shaped and he is built but is this what you really want? Check your MIND. Consult your diary.
Know what you want from and in a relationship before your SPOT her or MEET him.
Fear is when you use one year to confirm a husband you’ve been praying for, for 4years.
Feeling is what makes you desperate. Feeling like you’re getting old. Biology has no clock only calendar. Stop fearing biological clock. Fix the calendar.
Wake up! Stop day dreaming. Nobody is perfect including you.
Some brains need formatting, too much Cinderella, beauty & the beast and Toofan.
Desperate house wives can’t give you a picture of a great family. You become what you see and think.
Stop dreaming about stealing kisses and two dark shadows in the back seat of a car under the tree. It won’t help.
If all he or she thinks when you show up is sex, then his mind and emotions need rebranding.
Your MIND says, “She’s beautiful and attractive,” when it’s healthy but says, “She’s sexy and appealing” when you’ve got work to do.
Don’t rush process in your relationship. Let friendship (first) take it’s full course.
Avoid publicizing your intentions before letting him or her know.
Don’t publicize your relationship too early before you’re sure and certain about the person.
No need to rush into marriage. Try hold body. You have many years ahead.
People have the right to hurt you, but you don’t have the right to react the way you feel. #Audacity2Lead
I know you feel lonely and alone, but trust me, it’s better than a wrong relationship. Lead your emotions.
Leading your feelings and guarding your mind will keep you from heart breaks.
Don’t abuse your EMOTIONS by letting them control you. They actually seek your leading.
Always think about your feelings. Give it time and that love may later be interpreted as crush or infatuation.
It is irresponsibility to enter a relationship based on mere feelings. Don’t think you love. Know you love.
Emotions have no mind of their own. They need yours. Use it. Reason. Analyze. Lead.
Go back and check your list of what you want in a spouse. Maybe it’s too long and too many.
When your head and emotions disturb your praying clearly, pray in tongues.
Talk to your body, your mind and your emotions every time.
It is wrong to say you can’t forgive a person or thing. Lead your emotions.
Let the Holy Spirit lead, and not your emotions. (Isa. 11:3, Rom. 8:14, Ezek. 36:27.) Lead your emotions. It’s great irresponsibility to let your emotions control your body. You have the Mind of Christ. Lead!
Put your body under your control.
Thank you for having me on the #Audacity2Leadtweet conference.
Earl Alright is a lawyer and partner of Graceville Chambers. President of Alrights Passion, Ibadan. He has been a daring sex and relationship counselor, writer and seaker since age 16. His job is to teach and counsel people on sex and relationship issues that most pastors won’t preach on. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter